Damaged bits of furniture on the sidewalks everywhere? Check. Moving trucks double parked in the bike lane? Check.
Looks like it's another hectic moving season, and I'm next.
After four years in this hot, cramped apartment, there's nothing I'd rather do right now than just kick back in my new place, which finally has central air, a dishwasher and a parking spot! But there's a long road ahead before I can get there, and it's filled with lots of dreaded physical activity.
If only there were a team of decorated athletes available to help.
If you can suspend your disbelief for a minute, what if some of the world's top Olympians were free on a Saturday morning to help me out? All their schedules just happened to line up, they all decided yeah, helping out this random dude who writes internet articles is a good use of my time.
And if I could draft a team of Olympians for Cross-Philadelphia Moving, who would I pick?
Moving isn't just about muscle. Anyone who has enlisted some friends to lug furniture up to a third-story walkup knows that you need the right mix of strength, agility and positive attitude to get through the day.
I put some thought into my choices. But are there other current or former Olympians you'd have put on this list? Let us know.
The Muscle: David Katoatau, weightlifter, Kiribati
Though he didn't compete in the Tokyo Olympics this year, many still remember the efforts of Kiribati weightlifter David Katoatau in the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio.
He has used his time in the spotlight to be vocal about the dangers of climate change on his tropical home country, a serious issue. But we remember Katoatau for something more lighthearted: how Katoatau would dance after every lift, whether it went well or not.
If Katoatau slipped and dropped my couch on the stairs, but made up for it with a dance, there's no way I could stay mad at him.
The Defender: Lee Kiefer, fencer, U.S.
Lee Kiefer is a beast. The U.S. fencer recently won gold in the women's individual foil event, a feat not achieved by an American woman since 1904.
If you're wondering why I'd draft Kiefer for my 2021 Olympian Movers Dream Team, you've probably never tried to parallel park your car on a one-lane street in Philadelphia during rush hour with a honking SEPTA bus behind you.
Parking in Philadelphia is so tough that when it snows, the police have to remind people they'll be fined for "savesies" — using cones or lawn chairs to protect their shoveled-out parking spot.
I'm getting a permit to clear the street in front of my apartment for the move. But I know a couple "no parking" signs may not stop someone in a hurry with some wide-open curb to pull up to.
So, Lee, if you wouldn't mind, can you bring your blade so my moving truck can park? Can you defend the spot the same way you won the medal against the ROC's Inna Deriglazova?
And thanks for getting my teammate hooked on the Olympics!
The Looks: Tom Daley, diver, U.K.
When you're moving, you may end up needing a favor. Maybe somebody has to move their car. Maybe you could fit a piece of furniture around a tight bend if only someone would open their apartment door.
Or maybe the moving truck is about to get a parking ticket and there's a small opportunity to plead the case.
That's where U.K. diver Tom Daley, comes in. I'd hope he could charm any shy neighbors into cracking their door open for the couch to fit down the stairs.
If he's got the time after the boxes are all moved in, maybe I could convince him to knit me something for the upcoming colder months? Daley lit up the internet when he was spotted knitting in the stands at an event Monday.
Also during the move, if any small objects get lost in a body of water, we'll be covered.
The delivery: Sifan Hassan, runner, Netherlands
My haters are reading this and wondering why I didn't pick a shotputter or another track & field athlete known for their upper-body strength.
But to Sifan Hassan, Dutch distance runner and Tokyo Olympics gold medalist, I entrust the most important job of all: getting the pizza.
After a hard day's labor with a few Olympic pals who don't know who I am, we would need fuel. That's where Hassan would come in.
First they'd bicker for a while about what to order, most likely. As a gracious friend, I would of course order whatever the party decided. As long as Hassan can run out and get it in record time when our legs feel like Jell-o.